family, friends, and home

i am complete.
and i am only complete because i am where i am truly myself...home.
i have missed this place terribly.
maybe more than i ever realized.
maybe its something that i couldnt fully diagnos the depth of until actually being here.
being in this place.
while yes, this place is crazy, it is still my home.
here, it can never be fully quiet.
never fully still.
it is chaotic, but in this chaos that i call home, i can truly find peace.
a peace that isnt only my life, it is the very definition of my life.
a sort of haven in this mixed up world.
though sometimes more mixed up that the outside world could ever be, it is familiar.
a place that i can find answers to any questions that i am faced with.
a place that my heart will forever be.
it is not only a place full of family, but a place where special friends will always be waiting.
we will always meet here, the place that brought us together.
the place that holds our special bonds that we have, tight in its grasp.
as long as we meet here, we will always have each other, no matter where our adventures take us.
no matter where our desires roam, we will always be together, but apart.
i leave with a quote about friendship...
"When true friends meet in adverse hour;
'Tis like a sunbeam through a shower.
A watery way an instant seen,
The darkly closing clouds between."- Sir Walter Scott

Change...

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future."

- John F. Kennedy

I am open to change. I used to be closed off to it, afraid somehow. Afraid of the differences that i would see in myself or others around me. I was afraid of the differences that others would see in me, as well. I feared the unknown, the unfamiliar. I have never voiced my fears before. But, now i can because these fears that once inhabited my body are no longer a reality. They are gone, blown away by a sudden mysterious confidence that came out of no where. The source of this so called confidence is undetermined. I will not seek out the orgin, but i will say thankyou. Thankyou for getting me to realize that no matter what happens, i am never truly alone, there is always someone with me that cares. And in this knowledge, i have come to realize that i should not hide from things that are to come. Things that will come, that cannot be stopped. For example, growing up. I have always wanted to stay a high schooler, but that was only because i did not know about certain things that would be waiting on me in college. I never wanted responsibility or independence. But now that its here, im not so closed off to it. While yes, there are certain aspects of growing up that arent so exciting, there are many many more good things that can come from the dreaded adult years. Life, and dare i say love. I have not found this love that others so frequently boast about, but i am hopeful that one day, i will experience it. Ive heard great things about it, things that im not sure that i am ready for, but then again, who am i to decide. It is not up to me. Maybe i am ready... i have always felt as though i were made to love and to be loved. I love the concept of love. And not only the romantic love, all kinds. I am built to love and i am full with compassion for others. I just dont know. I am now open to new experiences, to new concepts on most subjects, but there is one that i will continue to be steadfast about and that is of course Jesus Christ. Though i have decided to be open, i will never change my views on my Christian beliefs. From that belief stems my love for love and compassion. Without that, i would not be the person that i was made to be. And for that, i will always be grateful. I am now grateful for change, because like the quote from above, if i were not subject to change and i focused continually on the past and present, i could miss out on all the wonderful experiences in store for my future. Yes, i do realize that i have dug deep during this post, but i felt like i needed to say these things. Maybe for your benefit, but most definitely for my own. I feel so much better now. Thanks for reading, i love you.

if only...

if only there was a guy that could be my romeo...

i feel like im the only one that doesnt have one.

i keep waiting and waiting and im still waiting.

i hope that there is someone out there for me...

and the thing is, i really dont want to hear that i just need to be patient.

people keep telling me that he will get here, but what if he doesnt?

guys especially keep telling me that i wont be alone, that i will find someone.

what if im meant to be alone?

i dont want to be alone...

i dont think anybody really wants to be alone, but i guess it really doesnt matter what people want.

people just get what they are given, and i guess that i have to accept that.

but i wonder...

randomness...

hello.
it is really really cold outside and i absolutely love it!
this is what i call football weather...roll tide.
im so ready for the game, i just cant stand it.
im sitting here with stevi in my dorm room waiting on 4:00 to get here.
because thats when elephant stomp begins at 5:00. yay!!!
anyway, roll tide roll!!!
=]

If only it were this simple...

we were both young
when i first saw you
i close my eyes and the flashback starts
im standing there on a balcony of summer air see the lights,
see the party the ball gowns
i see you make your way through the crowd
you say hello little did i know
that you were romeo you were throwing pebbles
and my daddy said stay away from juliet
and i was crying on the staircase begging you please don’t go,
and i said romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
i’ll be waiting all theres left to do is run
you’ll be the prince and i’ll be the princess
its a love story baby just say yes
so i sneak out to the garden to see you
we keep quiet because we’re dead if they know
so close your eyes lets keep this down for a little while
cause you were romeo i was a scarlet letter
nd my daddy said stay away from juliet
but you were everything to me and i was begging you please don’t go
and i said romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
i’ll be waiting all theres left to do is run
you be the prince and i’ll be the princess
its a love story baby just say yes
romeo save me,
they try to tell me how to feel this love is difficult,
but its real don’t be afraid we’ll make it out of this mess
its a love story baby just say yes,
Oh, oh I got tired of waiting wondering if you were ever coming around
my faith in you was fading when i met you on the outskirts of town,
and I said romeo save me i’ve been feeling so alone
i keep waiting for you but you never come
is this in my head, i don’t know what to think
he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said
marry me juliet you’ll never have to be alone
i love you and thats all I really know
i talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
its a love story baby just say yes
oh, oh, we were both young when i first saw you...

i have always been an optimistic person, but lately ive been a little pessimistic toward love. i know, i know, my time will come, right? but... what if it doesnt?
so, i am left wondering...

IMPORTANT NEWS BULLETIN

hello.

apparently the guy that i mentioned in my last post was nothing but a fluke. he doesnt like me, he just considers us to be friends, even though some of his texts made me believe otherwise. and i am not naive about such things. i dont know. tonight, i basically told him everything and he pretty much rejected it all. i feel betrayed and befuddled at the same time. who thought that to be possible? i certainly didnt. he apologized for leading me on, but i dont want an apology, i just want somebody to be there at a slightly deeper level than a friend or even a best friend. people keep saying that my time will come and that i just need to be patient, but i just feel like its not going to happen. i just dont know where to go from here.

and this week is just not a good week for gentlemen, because one of my best friends stevi and her boyfriend JD ended their relationship. correction: JD broke up with stevi because he is an asshole or to quote another friend, slum-ass. ha ha that word cracks me up. but anyway, this is a letter to all guys: be careful how you treat girls because karma is a bitch, believe me. and this is also a plea for all single gentlemen out there: take heed, there are several girls out there looking for you to be a great boyfriend to them. you just have to get off your lazy asses and do something about it. it is high past the time for you to stand up, and let all girls know that not all boys are assholes. sorry to get all preachy, but this is a matter that needed to be stated quickly and loudly. so boys: listen up.

ROLL TIDE!!!

hello and roll tide.
we beat LSU in overtime, wow.
it was an amazing game, the kind that has you on your seat the whole time, or in my case, on the tips of my toes.
i think i almost broke stevi's arm jumping up and down the way i did.
but thank goodness i didnt.
but anyway, we won, and that was the best feeling.
i also had a very interesting weekend.
theres this guy... i know i know, but... theres just something about him.
i havent figured him out yet.
thats just it, i ususally can read people very easily, but him... i just cant.
complete confusion.
sometimes he acts like there could be something, but then he doesnt text me for two days... what is up with that?
i just dont know.
positivity.
thats the answer.
anyway... roll tide.