LOVE

i will not focus on what was, or what will be, instead i will set my gaze on what is. the present. it is happening now, all around me, in my midst. i do not pretend to know what is going on, i merely live in this crazy, mixed up world that i have been placed in. there is so much going on, i cannot decide on what to focus. the constant moving, the pace of the multitude as they pass me by. not even allowing me a second glance. i am alone, save for the being that lives inside me, the only truth that is in this place. yes, i do love this place that i am in, but that does not mean that i so not see it for what it really is. i see all the flaws and attributes. the good and the bad. but this world is not split into good and evil. we all have both light and darkness inside us. but that does not matter so much. what matters is which side we choose to abide in. being the kind of person we are is a choice that we are given. that is a great responsibility, but it is ours. we do not deserve this choice that we are allowed, but we have it. only because of the love that has been given us from GOD. "For GOD so loved the world, that He gave his only son, that whomsoever believeth in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life." -John 3:16

hope

Christmas break is here. for me at least. my exams were done yesterday and i am so glad that they are through, but i dont want to be here. in the middle of this. i feel like i am being beaten from both sides. surrounded and being closed in on by the second. any given moment, i will be engulfed in these waves crashing around me. slowly dragging me under. how can something so beautiful and perfect on the outside be so horrible on the inside. something so whole and complete is crumbling within. slowly but surely being taken away. soon to disappear from this place that we live in. it saddens me that the thing that once was wholesome and truthful is going away. my memories will be the only document. the only thing that can prove that this that is falling apart was once good and pure. but every now and then, i can see fleeting glimpses of the past, of what once was, and could be again. there is little hope, but hope still. and i will continue to have this hope, to have faith in what can be. i will always remain in faith, even though things seem so unlikely to happen, anything is possible... <3

complex elements

i am sitting in my room and my window is open, which just so happens to be right beside my desk. how ironic that the place i would rather be, is a place that i can always see, when im locked up in my room? yet, i am forced to sit here, to be civilized. the world right now is so mesmorizing. the wind, the rain, the thunder and lighting. i love it, all of it. the weather is wonderful. i have always loved it, ever since i was child. as i sit here listening to it, my mind wonders to many different subjects. it wonders because, when the earth is like this, i feel like its free. free from the strict routine of a daily schedule. this is the time that has no limits, knows no boundaries. there are no laws that can contrict its actions. the control goes to the hands of the one who made it. the one that controls all things. i love the weather, its unpredictable and mysterious. its all the things i would love to be that i am not. but i can sit here, and be intrigues by it, for that i am thankful. to be able to be apart of something so terrifyingly wonderful. i am also thankful for the position that my dorm is to the outside. i am on the fourth floor and i look down into a beautiful, ancient tree. the leaves continue to be green, even though its winter. no, it is not a one tree, but it is interesting how the leaves did not change with the rest. to use the corny phrase, maybe its a "late bloomer." i will keep a watch. the only bad thing about this weather, is that there are no stars. no light source, pitch black darkness. but even in the darkest of nights, one can always find light. <3

FEARLESS & LOVE

fearless.

the very word that i strive to be.

bold, brave, and without fear.

but i just realized that if i lived without fear, i wouldnt need GOD or people to be in my life.

i may live with fear, but i should never be afraid, because GOD is always there to hold me in his arms.

i miss the comfort i felt there.

i am still there, but i have loosened the grip of his arms on my life.

he will never let go, but i can stray away.

because i am weak.

so much weaker than he is, weak enough to walk away from he who loves me the most.

not only weak, but dumb, too.

but the thing is, he will always welcome me back no matter how dumb i can be.

i dont understand how some can live without ever knowing such a wonderful GOD.

what feels the void in their heart?

the vast, unknowing hole, that is always there.

i guess some try and feel the void with things of this world.

stupid, meaningless things, i know that ive done it, but never knowing the joy that i feel, its sad.

i cannot fully comprehend...

but that is why we are told to "go yee therefore..."

and i have tried, not hard enough, but that is a goal that i have.

to stop thinking only of my stupid self, and think of others in need of some love in their life.

everybody needs some love in their life, and if i can introduce it to somebody, then i feel that is a great accomplishment!!!

love to everybody <3