LOVE

i will not focus on what was, or what will be, instead i will set my gaze on what is. the present. it is happening now, all around me, in my midst. i do not pretend to know what is going on, i merely live in this crazy, mixed up world that i have been placed in. there is so much going on, i cannot decide on what to focus. the constant moving, the pace of the multitude as they pass me by. not even allowing me a second glance. i am alone, save for the being that lives inside me, the only truth that is in this place. yes, i do love this place that i am in, but that does not mean that i so not see it for what it really is. i see all the flaws and attributes. the good and the bad. but this world is not split into good and evil. we all have both light and darkness inside us. but that does not matter so much. what matters is which side we choose to abide in. being the kind of person we are is a choice that we are given. that is a great responsibility, but it is ours. we do not deserve this choice that we are allowed, but we have it. only because of the love that has been given us from GOD. "For GOD so loved the world, that He gave his only son, that whomsoever believeth in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life." -John 3:16

hope

Christmas break is here. for me at least. my exams were done yesterday and i am so glad that they are through, but i dont want to be here. in the middle of this. i feel like i am being beaten from both sides. surrounded and being closed in on by the second. any given moment, i will be engulfed in these waves crashing around me. slowly dragging me under. how can something so beautiful and perfect on the outside be so horrible on the inside. something so whole and complete is crumbling within. slowly but surely being taken away. soon to disappear from this place that we live in. it saddens me that the thing that once was wholesome and truthful is going away. my memories will be the only document. the only thing that can prove that this that is falling apart was once good and pure. but every now and then, i can see fleeting glimpses of the past, of what once was, and could be again. there is little hope, but hope still. and i will continue to have this hope, to have faith in what can be. i will always remain in faith, even though things seem so unlikely to happen, anything is possible... <3

complex elements

i am sitting in my room and my window is open, which just so happens to be right beside my desk. how ironic that the place i would rather be, is a place that i can always see, when im locked up in my room? yet, i am forced to sit here, to be civilized. the world right now is so mesmorizing. the wind, the rain, the thunder and lighting. i love it, all of it. the weather is wonderful. i have always loved it, ever since i was child. as i sit here listening to it, my mind wonders to many different subjects. it wonders because, when the earth is like this, i feel like its free. free from the strict routine of a daily schedule. this is the time that has no limits, knows no boundaries. there are no laws that can contrict its actions. the control goes to the hands of the one who made it. the one that controls all things. i love the weather, its unpredictable and mysterious. its all the things i would love to be that i am not. but i can sit here, and be intrigues by it, for that i am thankful. to be able to be apart of something so terrifyingly wonderful. i am also thankful for the position that my dorm is to the outside. i am on the fourth floor and i look down into a beautiful, ancient tree. the leaves continue to be green, even though its winter. no, it is not a one tree, but it is interesting how the leaves did not change with the rest. to use the corny phrase, maybe its a "late bloomer." i will keep a watch. the only bad thing about this weather, is that there are no stars. no light source, pitch black darkness. but even in the darkest of nights, one can always find light. <3

FEARLESS & LOVE

fearless.

the very word that i strive to be.

bold, brave, and without fear.

but i just realized that if i lived without fear, i wouldnt need GOD or people to be in my life.

i may live with fear, but i should never be afraid, because GOD is always there to hold me in his arms.

i miss the comfort i felt there.

i am still there, but i have loosened the grip of his arms on my life.

he will never let go, but i can stray away.

because i am weak.

so much weaker than he is, weak enough to walk away from he who loves me the most.

not only weak, but dumb, too.

but the thing is, he will always welcome me back no matter how dumb i can be.

i dont understand how some can live without ever knowing such a wonderful GOD.

what feels the void in their heart?

the vast, unknowing hole, that is always there.

i guess some try and feel the void with things of this world.

stupid, meaningless things, i know that ive done it, but never knowing the joy that i feel, its sad.

i cannot fully comprehend...

but that is why we are told to "go yee therefore..."

and i have tried, not hard enough, but that is a goal that i have.

to stop thinking only of my stupid self, and think of others in need of some love in their life.

everybody needs some love in their life, and if i can introduce it to somebody, then i feel that is a great accomplishment!!!

love to everybody <3

family, friends, and home

i am complete.
and i am only complete because i am where i am truly myself...home.
i have missed this place terribly.
maybe more than i ever realized.
maybe its something that i couldnt fully diagnos the depth of until actually being here.
being in this place.
while yes, this place is crazy, it is still my home.
here, it can never be fully quiet.
never fully still.
it is chaotic, but in this chaos that i call home, i can truly find peace.
a peace that isnt only my life, it is the very definition of my life.
a sort of haven in this mixed up world.
though sometimes more mixed up that the outside world could ever be, it is familiar.
a place that i can find answers to any questions that i am faced with.
a place that my heart will forever be.
it is not only a place full of family, but a place where special friends will always be waiting.
we will always meet here, the place that brought us together.
the place that holds our special bonds that we have, tight in its grasp.
as long as we meet here, we will always have each other, no matter where our adventures take us.
no matter where our desires roam, we will always be together, but apart.
i leave with a quote about friendship...
"When true friends meet in adverse hour;
'Tis like a sunbeam through a shower.
A watery way an instant seen,
The darkly closing clouds between."- Sir Walter Scott

Change...

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future."

- John F. Kennedy

I am open to change. I used to be closed off to it, afraid somehow. Afraid of the differences that i would see in myself or others around me. I was afraid of the differences that others would see in me, as well. I feared the unknown, the unfamiliar. I have never voiced my fears before. But, now i can because these fears that once inhabited my body are no longer a reality. They are gone, blown away by a sudden mysterious confidence that came out of no where. The source of this so called confidence is undetermined. I will not seek out the orgin, but i will say thankyou. Thankyou for getting me to realize that no matter what happens, i am never truly alone, there is always someone with me that cares. And in this knowledge, i have come to realize that i should not hide from things that are to come. Things that will come, that cannot be stopped. For example, growing up. I have always wanted to stay a high schooler, but that was only because i did not know about certain things that would be waiting on me in college. I never wanted responsibility or independence. But now that its here, im not so closed off to it. While yes, there are certain aspects of growing up that arent so exciting, there are many many more good things that can come from the dreaded adult years. Life, and dare i say love. I have not found this love that others so frequently boast about, but i am hopeful that one day, i will experience it. Ive heard great things about it, things that im not sure that i am ready for, but then again, who am i to decide. It is not up to me. Maybe i am ready... i have always felt as though i were made to love and to be loved. I love the concept of love. And not only the romantic love, all kinds. I am built to love and i am full with compassion for others. I just dont know. I am now open to new experiences, to new concepts on most subjects, but there is one that i will continue to be steadfast about and that is of course Jesus Christ. Though i have decided to be open, i will never change my views on my Christian beliefs. From that belief stems my love for love and compassion. Without that, i would not be the person that i was made to be. And for that, i will always be grateful. I am now grateful for change, because like the quote from above, if i were not subject to change and i focused continually on the past and present, i could miss out on all the wonderful experiences in store for my future. Yes, i do realize that i have dug deep during this post, but i felt like i needed to say these things. Maybe for your benefit, but most definitely for my own. I feel so much better now. Thanks for reading, i love you.

if only...

if only there was a guy that could be my romeo...

i feel like im the only one that doesnt have one.

i keep waiting and waiting and im still waiting.

i hope that there is someone out there for me...

and the thing is, i really dont want to hear that i just need to be patient.

people keep telling me that he will get here, but what if he doesnt?

guys especially keep telling me that i wont be alone, that i will find someone.

what if im meant to be alone?

i dont want to be alone...

i dont think anybody really wants to be alone, but i guess it really doesnt matter what people want.

people just get what they are given, and i guess that i have to accept that.

but i wonder...

randomness...

hello.
it is really really cold outside and i absolutely love it!
this is what i call football weather...roll tide.
im so ready for the game, i just cant stand it.
im sitting here with stevi in my dorm room waiting on 4:00 to get here.
because thats when elephant stomp begins at 5:00. yay!!!
anyway, roll tide roll!!!
=]

If only it were this simple...

we were both young
when i first saw you
i close my eyes and the flashback starts
im standing there on a balcony of summer air see the lights,
see the party the ball gowns
i see you make your way through the crowd
you say hello little did i know
that you were romeo you were throwing pebbles
and my daddy said stay away from juliet
and i was crying on the staircase begging you please don’t go,
and i said romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
i’ll be waiting all theres left to do is run
you’ll be the prince and i’ll be the princess
its a love story baby just say yes
so i sneak out to the garden to see you
we keep quiet because we’re dead if they know
so close your eyes lets keep this down for a little while
cause you were romeo i was a scarlet letter
nd my daddy said stay away from juliet
but you were everything to me and i was begging you please don’t go
and i said romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
i’ll be waiting all theres left to do is run
you be the prince and i’ll be the princess
its a love story baby just say yes
romeo save me,
they try to tell me how to feel this love is difficult,
but its real don’t be afraid we’ll make it out of this mess
its a love story baby just say yes,
Oh, oh I got tired of waiting wondering if you were ever coming around
my faith in you was fading when i met you on the outskirts of town,
and I said romeo save me i’ve been feeling so alone
i keep waiting for you but you never come
is this in my head, i don’t know what to think
he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said
marry me juliet you’ll never have to be alone
i love you and thats all I really know
i talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
its a love story baby just say yes
oh, oh, we were both young when i first saw you...

i have always been an optimistic person, but lately ive been a little pessimistic toward love. i know, i know, my time will come, right? but... what if it doesnt?
so, i am left wondering...

IMPORTANT NEWS BULLETIN

hello.

apparently the guy that i mentioned in my last post was nothing but a fluke. he doesnt like me, he just considers us to be friends, even though some of his texts made me believe otherwise. and i am not naive about such things. i dont know. tonight, i basically told him everything and he pretty much rejected it all. i feel betrayed and befuddled at the same time. who thought that to be possible? i certainly didnt. he apologized for leading me on, but i dont want an apology, i just want somebody to be there at a slightly deeper level than a friend or even a best friend. people keep saying that my time will come and that i just need to be patient, but i just feel like its not going to happen. i just dont know where to go from here.

and this week is just not a good week for gentlemen, because one of my best friends stevi and her boyfriend JD ended their relationship. correction: JD broke up with stevi because he is an asshole or to quote another friend, slum-ass. ha ha that word cracks me up. but anyway, this is a letter to all guys: be careful how you treat girls because karma is a bitch, believe me. and this is also a plea for all single gentlemen out there: take heed, there are several girls out there looking for you to be a great boyfriend to them. you just have to get off your lazy asses and do something about it. it is high past the time for you to stand up, and let all girls know that not all boys are assholes. sorry to get all preachy, but this is a matter that needed to be stated quickly and loudly. so boys: listen up.

ROLL TIDE!!!

hello and roll tide.
we beat LSU in overtime, wow.
it was an amazing game, the kind that has you on your seat the whole time, or in my case, on the tips of my toes.
i think i almost broke stevi's arm jumping up and down the way i did.
but thank goodness i didnt.
but anyway, we won, and that was the best feeling.
i also had a very interesting weekend.
theres this guy... i know i know, but... theres just something about him.
i havent figured him out yet.
thats just it, i ususally can read people very easily, but him... i just cant.
complete confusion.
sometimes he acts like there could be something, but then he doesnt text me for two days... what is up with that?
i just dont know.
positivity.
thats the answer.
anyway... roll tide.

important issues in the world

Hello.

My roommates and i are very interested in the upcoming election. Today, i have visited a website called neverfindout.org, which is a website that has videos about the presidential elections. I am voting for JOHN MCCAIN and i am not ashamed to say so. And no, i am not voting for him because he is white or isnt black. I am actually very interested in politics. I listen to what the candidates believe and what they agree with. I am not racist, i just dont agree with what OBAMA believes. Mr. Arnold, my highschool government teacher, got me really interested in choosing the leaders for our country. It is our choices that dictate what our country will be. So please vote, but before you vote, please please look up information on both of the candidates. It will prepare you. Know what you believe, and stick to that. =]

2 Timothy 1:7

My very awesome weekend...

hello.

i am so excited about the rest of my week.

tomorrow, i have an exam at 12:30 and then i have to finish packing for the tennessee trip.

then band practice.

after that, im going to stevi's bday party with sarah at longhorns.

when we get done there, im heading over to her football game.

then, im going over to nevada and court's apartment and me and tabitha are spending the night.

we are not sleeping at all, oh goodness... anyway then we are getting to the buses at like 5:30 to get the seats that we want...ugh. its ok though.

i am sooooo ready. =]

tennessee...here we come...watch out.

ha ha. roll tide roll...

Oh my...

hello again.

i havent had a chance to write lately. school is crazy and band is even crazier. =]

not that that is a bad thing. its just hard to keep up with eveything.

so alabama is now 7-0. i am so excited. roll tide roll.

so, i think me and my best guy friend broke up tonight, i am very sad. =[

its a long story that i am not going to get into right now.

but anyway, i think i have a new crush on this guy in the band. yay.

tomorrow, i am going to tannehill state park with three of my really good friends to thing called trade days, its amazing. i love it.

my family is camping there, so im going to visit them too. yay.

i love and miss my family so much.

tomorrow night i might go to this haunted house thing, because a guy in the band is working at it and he said its really cool. i might head over there, idk yet.

my highschool football team is doing just as well as my college team, i am so happy for them.

oh goodness, some highschool drama has followed me to college. i am really mad about that. i graduated already and yet, the drama just keeps coming back to haunt me.

but, i have heard that college drama is just highschool drama times ten.

i hope thats not true, but i dont think ive been here long enough to judge.

i want to take this moment to thank GOD for such an amazing life that HE has given me. i do not deserve it at all.

i need to go to sleep now because i am exhausted. =/

peace, love, and happiness. =]

Big Weekend, but an Even Bigger Week!

Hi.

I had the best weekend. I, of course, went to the bama game and lets just say that it wasn't the best game. But I'm still proud that we pulled out the 'w'. Thank goodness. We are stiil 6-0. We still hold that number 2 spot behind Oklahoma. Go TEXAS for this weekend. Anyway, this past weekend, after the game, Tabitha, Chandal, Stevi, Sarah, and I went to a band party. It was fun, but the real fun began when we went to waffle house afterwards. Ha ha. I'm not going into details, but just know that it was lots of fun.
Today was the last day of band practice for the week. Yay! Tomorrow, I have three classes and then I get to go home. My fall break will go until Sunday. Friday night, I am going to the home football game against Moody. Saturday is another band competition in Pratville. It's just going to be a great, lazy weekend, hopefully. Well, I will try and write over the break. =]

cold weather

hi there.
i had such a great day. it was one of my long days, but i still just had an amazing day. i think it was because of the weather. it was on the comfortable side of cold. i wore a sweatshirt and shorts. i was so excited when i walked outside and shivered. i absolutely love cold weather. i think i like it the best because it means that halloween, thanksgiving, and christmas are on the way. my favorite time of the year. yay!
i had great classes today, too. history was boring, but whatever. english was so much fun, i sat by thea and jake. they are great. geography and art history were boring, but that didnt make me give up my good mood. goodness, i cant believe im in such a good mood.
well thats all for today. catch ya later. =]

Friends

hi.
I went home this weekend and had a great time. My old highschool football team won their game, my old marching band won many awards at their competition, AND Bama beat Georgia, who by the way was ranked number three in the AP poll, when we were ranked number eight!!! That was such a great game, I was so proud of them. I wish I could have been there with the rest of the band, but its ok, my time will come.
This week is gonna be great, hopefully. I am gonna be very positive.
Tonights topic is friends. Old ones, new ones, and ones that are to come. Last week was the one year anniversary of the last time I talked to my ex-best friend. It was her birthday, and the funny thing is, I really am not sad at all. It came and went without any complication. I hope she does well in her life, wherever it may go. I really love my old friends that are still my friends now. I miss the ones who are too busy to talk to me now, but I know I will talk with them sometime. I'm glad I still have so many friends that I am still in contact with from my old life.
They are amazing. The ones that are newly made, well, I don't know what I would do without them. They keep me going. I have one in particular that I want to talk about. He is not doing so well right now. He wont talk to me and I really miss him. Some things have happened and he is really depressed about them. I told him that I will be here for him when he wants to talk, but I'm not sure he will. I just don't know what to do. Do I call him? Leave him alone? Its all messed up. I hope we will still be friends because I love him to death.
Anyway, I continue to love the place my life is in right now, I miss my home, but this is the place I am supposed to be. If I had to be anywhere but home, with my family, I wouldn't choose anywhere else.
I have been following a philosophy all summer that has worked and continues to work. Everything is gonna be ok. No matter what, just be positive, and put your focus point in front of you, and keep on trucking. I have lived by this philosophy and I will continue to do so. Feel free to try it, it works. Thats it for tonight, hopefully, i will have time to write tomorrow night. Until then, goodnight and have a good week. =]

Pumped for the Weekend

Hello again. Today is another short day, I had my history discussion class at 12:30, and band at 4:00. I had to turn in my Cicero paper in class and it took me forever to finish it. Cicero has a very brilliant mind, but he is so hard to understand. His philosophy is different from anybody elses i have evr read about.
Anyway, I just can't wait until this weekend. I am going to my high school's football game on Firday night. Then, on Saturday, my high school's marching band, has a competition in Phenix City. I am very excited to see the band perform and seeing all my friends, that are seniors this year, experience one of their last ever high school band comepetitions. It was a great time in my life, and I hope that they have an experience that was as good as mine. It was a very special time and I hope they realize that. Oh, and something else that I'm excited for is the ALABAMA v. GEORGIA game, of course. What kind of roll tide fan would I be if I wasn't totally pumped?! My family is as excited as I am, so we're going to be "tailgating" at the band competition. I am really glad also, that I get to spend my last weekend to leave campus until fall break, with not only my family, but my "band family" from high shcool.
ROLL TIDE ROLL!

Intro to my blog

Hello.

This is my first official blog post. Let me just say that I am so excited to have my very own blog. I have always wanted to have something like this, but I had no idea that anything like this existed. I heard about it about ten minutes ago from one of my friends/roommates, Meagan. She has her own blog, and so I decided to get one!

My name is Anna and I am a freshman at The University of Alabama. I am in the Million Dollar Band and for those who don't know what that is, it's our marching band. I absolutely love it, the music, the people, the atmosphere is... amazing. There is no other word for it.

Anyway, today was one of my short days, because I only have one class. My geography lab, it starts at 1:00 and ends at 2:50. I'm really interested in geography, but I don't really like the lab, it just seems like busy work to me. Today, we had to hike around campus, picking out GPS points of different buildings. It was hot and gross outside. All I wanted to do was go back to the classroom and sit in the air conditioning. Then, of course like everyday, i had band practice from 4:00 until 5:30. Yes, it was hot then too, but I actually enjoy practice. I know, I know, I guess that considers me a geek, but I don't care, because it's something that I love. So...ha!

Just to let you know, I am very random person, with very random thoughts running through my head. So, just bare with me.

I will continue to write everyday, so just keep reading. =]