Peace

I am so happy right now!
My life is full of peace and harmony for once.
I am not worried about anything at the moment.
I can just live.
Its a great feeling!!!
I have a job, its on the weekends, and its really late at night, but i dont really care because its money.
I am so excited.
=]

my idea

i came up with an idea the other day.

first, i will explain what got me thinking.

every thursday, in my english class, we are to write a sort of column that could be used in the newspaper. the minimum length is one page, doublespaced. there is no topic range. when i first heard about this, i was very excited because many times in my life i have wondered what it would be like to be a journalist and now is my chance, but there is one little catch, we have to read them in front of the entire class. i am not a very good public seaker. my heart rate goes up and my adrenaline starts pumping through my body. the sad thing is, i know that its happening, i can feel it. but, i am looking forward to it in a way, because it will be a big challenge, and i love challenges. i take to them really well, even though they sometimes involve things that i am scared to do. it will help me and prepare me for events in the future, so i will do this to the best of my ability.

now, back to the reason on my writing in the first place. my idea. it came to me the day that i learned that i would have to speak in front of everyone. i opened my eyes to my surroundings and i wondered what would happen if i just sat still in a central location and did just that. observe people. what would i see? good or bad? people rushing by without a glance, or people watching whats happening around them?

hopefully, i will see things that impress and surprise me. maybe, somebody throwing away trash in the can where its supposed to be, or somebody being courteous to others. i have hope that it will put my faith back in people. because, i have seen such bad things, i want to see some good. i know that there is good and bad in everyone including myself, but maybe i'll see a little more good.

"One's actions ought to come out of achieved stillness: not to be a mere rushing on."

~D.H. Lawrence

Finding a calling in life...

What is truth?

that is the question that my english 102 professor asked us to answer for homework. the answer can be one to a million words, just as long as we bring something. it doesnt matter what its written on, a napkin, toilet paper...he doesnt care. last night, i found myself trying to answer this question with many words that sounded intelligent together. but, then i realized that the answer, my answer isnt something that has to be explained in many words, only one word will suffice. the answer is my GOD. when i finally realized that, i felt so stupid. here i was, sitting at the same desk i am now, and i was searching for the right answer to the one question that i should know instantly, but instead i chose to look in the wrong places. i felt horrible. i am asked to do bery few things for GOD, and i cant even remember his name as an answer to a question that i have been asked since childhood. my teacher said that he will be open to any answers, any beliefs that we have, but i wonder if he will be as open as he claims. in this class, we will discuss, philosophy, religion, politics...anything. i am so excited for this class. for the first time in my life, the things that i have prepared myself to say, will be used. i grew up knowing GOD to use him in this classroom setting. i am so thrilled and pumped. and i didnt realize this until last night, while i was laying in bed, praying. that all i have studied and prepared for is what i will say in this english 102 class. i hope that everybody in the class is prepared for what i have to bring to the table.

"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and asl why not." -George Bernard Shaw

NOLA

i have just returned from one of the most beautiful places in the world.

but like most things that are beautiful on the outside, it has many scars on the inside.

it has been ripped and torn apart, but it steal remains in tact.

as a sort of beacon of hope that stands in the midst of a hopeless world.

it is full of flavor and stamina.

it is called New Orleans, home of the fleur di' lis, meaning "lacy flowers," refering to the lily.

i have been there once before, but i have never expericed the feel of the city as i have this past week.

i love it, the ancient houses, the liveliness of the french quarter.

the spicy taste of the food.

i love the country life, but the life in New Orleans fascinates me.

i am intrigued by their way of life.

its like time moves fast and slow at the same time there.

i dont really know how to explain it.

its just different, and i happen to enjoy the change.

<3

LOVE

i will not focus on what was, or what will be, instead i will set my gaze on what is. the present. it is happening now, all around me, in my midst. i do not pretend to know what is going on, i merely live in this crazy, mixed up world that i have been placed in. there is so much going on, i cannot decide on what to focus. the constant moving, the pace of the multitude as they pass me by. not even allowing me a second glance. i am alone, save for the being that lives inside me, the only truth that is in this place. yes, i do love this place that i am in, but that does not mean that i so not see it for what it really is. i see all the flaws and attributes. the good and the bad. but this world is not split into good and evil. we all have both light and darkness inside us. but that does not matter so much. what matters is which side we choose to abide in. being the kind of person we are is a choice that we are given. that is a great responsibility, but it is ours. we do not deserve this choice that we are allowed, but we have it. only because of the love that has been given us from GOD. "For GOD so loved the world, that He gave his only son, that whomsoever believeth in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life." -John 3:16

hope

Christmas break is here. for me at least. my exams were done yesterday and i am so glad that they are through, but i dont want to be here. in the middle of this. i feel like i am being beaten from both sides. surrounded and being closed in on by the second. any given moment, i will be engulfed in these waves crashing around me. slowly dragging me under. how can something so beautiful and perfect on the outside be so horrible on the inside. something so whole and complete is crumbling within. slowly but surely being taken away. soon to disappear from this place that we live in. it saddens me that the thing that once was wholesome and truthful is going away. my memories will be the only document. the only thing that can prove that this that is falling apart was once good and pure. but every now and then, i can see fleeting glimpses of the past, of what once was, and could be again. there is little hope, but hope still. and i will continue to have this hope, to have faith in what can be. i will always remain in faith, even though things seem so unlikely to happen, anything is possible... <3

complex elements

i am sitting in my room and my window is open, which just so happens to be right beside my desk. how ironic that the place i would rather be, is a place that i can always see, when im locked up in my room? yet, i am forced to sit here, to be civilized. the world right now is so mesmorizing. the wind, the rain, the thunder and lighting. i love it, all of it. the weather is wonderful. i have always loved it, ever since i was child. as i sit here listening to it, my mind wonders to many different subjects. it wonders because, when the earth is like this, i feel like its free. free from the strict routine of a daily schedule. this is the time that has no limits, knows no boundaries. there are no laws that can contrict its actions. the control goes to the hands of the one who made it. the one that controls all things. i love the weather, its unpredictable and mysterious. its all the things i would love to be that i am not. but i can sit here, and be intrigues by it, for that i am thankful. to be able to be apart of something so terrifyingly wonderful. i am also thankful for the position that my dorm is to the outside. i am on the fourth floor and i look down into a beautiful, ancient tree. the leaves continue to be green, even though its winter. no, it is not a one tree, but it is interesting how the leaves did not change with the rest. to use the corny phrase, maybe its a "late bloomer." i will keep a watch. the only bad thing about this weather, is that there are no stars. no light source, pitch black darkness. but even in the darkest of nights, one can always find light. <3